I’ve been thinking about this little blog a bit lately. Mostly, my questions are, “why am I doing this, and is it a worthy pursuit of my time?”
In terms of why should I blog, its so easy for me to get wrapped up in the excitment of blogging. There are so many Catholic homeschooling moms who post pictures of their cute kids doing amazing academic things, and these women are nothing if downright famous! I had to look myself in the face and say, you know what? That’s not for me. That’s not why I’m doing this. If I do anything for the pursuit of fame, well, that’s just ridiculous. I came across a Pintrest (….., um, pin?) thing that linked to an article, explaining 50-some-odd ways I could market my blog and get noticed by big bloggers. I started reading with interest, and as I went on, I dropped off reading.
Again: That’s not why I’m doing this.
I have a full time job. Wife, mother, homeschooler, awayschooler…. dang busy! My house is messy, my schedule chaotic, there are things in my personal life I need to sit down and just “do;” I don’t have time or inclination to work at a blog to gain readers. Get my stats up? Eh. Is it exciting to look and see that 68 people read a post I wrote? Sure! Is it stressful to think that I have to tailor my words so that I don’t offend someone? Yep. Do I need that. No.
Another problem that I have in thinking that I need to reach the masses is that I’m not an expert on ANYTHING. Well, maybe I’m an expert at not being an expert on things. I’m working at so many things; child rearing, homekeeping, marriage building, etc. Heck, I don’t even have an idea as to a hobby that I am passionate about, let alone pursue it!
So, why blog?
Well, a couple of things come to mind. First and foremost, I am a writer. I didn’t say a great one, but I love to write, nonetheless. I can’t remember a time when writing wasn’t very, very important to me. In fact, my dreams of being published were recently realized on a very, very small scale, but it was exciting still. Having someone say, “I like what you’ve written, and I”m sharing it” is a thrill of its own. Even if no one else reads me, there comes a great satisfaction to me when I hear the click click click of the keys under my fingerprints, and when I go back and read what they’ve produced, I’m proud.
I would also like to share some of what’s going on between our four walls. I have dear friends and family from far and wide who visit here, and I hope to share a bit of our goings on. Maybe, since I converse better on paper than I do by mouth, I might be able to explain who I am and why I do what I do better in this format. Maybe I won’t sound so much like the fumbling idiot I feel like when trying to explain why I do what I do. Maybe this will fill in the gaps when I don’t speak up, out of fear and vulnerability, and those who read will see that its not conceit, but frailty that keeps me quiet.
Down the road, I’d love for the kids to read what I’ve written, too. This probably won’t replace the scrapbooks I still want to finish, or the baby books I’ve never done, or the handwritten letters I intend to write to each one of them and stash away under thier pillows at night, reminding them of how cherished they are to me.
Jen, at Conversion Diary, has a great piece today, in commemoration of her birthday. (http://www.conversiondiary.com/2013/01/a-few-thoughts-on-my-birthday.html ) (I’ll figure out links eventually 🙂 She talks about how her recent medical condition has driven home for her the fact that in the end, the only plans we make that matter are the ones where we connect with the people whom God has put in our lives. After I re-read her post, I closed my computer and played 20 questions with my children for half an hour before dinner. It was the most fulfilling thing I did all day.
I must admit, I was really conflicted about writing here, but I think in the end, it will fulfill me far more than the ways I ususlly spend my time online, namely, Facebook. I’m not sure I’m quitting outright, but its getting close. I lost my cell phone about a week ago, and it has been one of the most freeing experiences for me. God has been eeeeever so quiiiiiietly talking to me, and He’s so gentle and patient with me. I’m listening … at least … I’m trying.
I will see you here, my friends. I’m not sure of the frequency, but I’ll be here, and hopefully, we’ll all leave this space feeling a little more connected to each other, until we can see each other in real life.