I wonder about my priorities some days.
Hey, I got the kitchen cleaned today. C.L.E.A.N.E.D.
I’m still working on the rest of the house but if I keep up this pace, I might get it all done in a few days.
Look hope springs eternal, Okay? Let me alone.
So, poop. Right.
After dinner, I was heck-bent on making sure I got the kitchen back in tip top shape before whisking the children to their slumbertime routines. And as I rinsed and loaded, Ben came into the kitchen.
“What do you mean, you pooped?”
“The learning room.”
Now, this would be the cue for most people to hoof it into the carpted learning room and start triage. Nope. Not me. I want answers.
“I had to poop.”
Well, I couldn’t argue with that. After I strictly forbade him from leaving his spot on the lineoleum, I went into the learning room, armed with Clorox wipes and thankfullythanfullythankfully, it was an easy clean. I spare you further details.
At this point, instead of whisking the messy child to the bath, I pointed to his spot on the lineoleum again and said, “DON’T MOVE.”
I had dishes, you know.
I should have said, “Don’t Poop!” because he seemed to be following my commands this evening. Sure enough a few minutes later, I heard,
“I pooped again.”
“WHAT? Why? (am I going to learn my lesson on this one??)
Another cleanup and I”m back to the dishes. Honestly, what is WRONG with me?? I’m getting there, those dishes will be clean dagnabit. Then I hear Alex, who is working on his homework at the counter and watching all this with much amusement.
“Mommy, he pooped again.”
“STOP POOPING!!!” I irrationaly yell out.
Alex point out, “why doesn’t he use the toilet?”
“Its a little late for that, Alex.”
Clean that up, Ben is still standing at his place, and I”m back at the dishes.
“Mommy. He peed.”
What the…. UGH!
I’m now rummaging for paper towels and handing a handful to Ben, saying, “here– start cleaning up!”
And yet…. I have just a couple more things to put in the dishwasher……DONE! I’m done! I can leave the odds and ends, but now its time to bring the resident pooper upstairs to give him a ba…..where is he?
“Ben?? BEEEEEENNNNNN?????” NONONO!
THIS. IS. NOT. GOOD.
“Where’s Ben?” I call out to anyone who will listen.
“He’s upstairs” someone finally calls out to me.
First step– poop.
I walked the steps with Clorox wipes and bad words under my breath.
And in walks Lilly. Of course, she wants to climb the stairs.
“ALEEEEEEX??? GET. DADDY. NOW.”
Alex runs off to find The Hubs and as I’m disenfecting carpeting whilst trying to keep Lilly at bay, I hear Alex calling downstairs, “Daddy? Ben’s leaving biohazards on the stairs,” which must have been followed by “wha???” because he repeats, “Mommy needs your help– Ben’s dropping biohazards.”
When The Hubs emerges, he’s not quite sure what I need at this point, and I’m just saying “BACKUP. I. JUST. NEED. BACKUP.”
And with that, I”ll bring this rather anti-climatic post to a screeching halt, because the laundry is finished, and I need to put the wet uniforms in the dryer so my oldest can run off to their great halls of academia dressed in clothing that is not covered in last week’s lunches.
Moral of the story? Umm, always use the potty. Don’t take your eyes of the kid covered in poop. And some things are worth stopping cleaning for.