So, for the past few days, there’s been some sort of chatter milling about the “web” and the “facebook” and the “talk radio” about Miley Cyrus and her, ahem, performance at this year’s VMA’s. After crawling out from my rock of “too busy to really care” and checked out a few still photos and graphic descriptions (thanks, CNN), I got a pretty clear indication of what went on.
My first thought when I saw her was, “Dear heavens, would someone put some clothes on that child, she looks freezing!” Then I realized that she was waaaay too tall to be called a child, which then prompted my next question of “why the onesie and teddy bear?” but really, I don’t think I want to hear her answer on that.
However, once I got a good idea of what exactly “twerking” is, I really had to wonder what all the fuss is about. Hip shaking, butt popping, gyrating… really? I do this all the time. In public, too! Don’t tell me you haven’t!! Here. Let me set the scene for you— see if one of these sound familiar:
** You’re standing in the frozen section of the grocery store. For the eightieth time, you yank up your maternity jeans that are slowly slipping down your butt. Unfortunately for you, your regular jeans barely make it up your thighs, and you refuse to buy up in regulars. As you reach for the frozen veggies (who am I kidding, Bryer’s mint chocolate chip….) your three year old gets the brilliant idea of jumping up and grabbing you from behind to, what? Catch a ride on that sweet booty you’re sporting now? Of course, this not only throws off your balance, because you’ve got a two month old strapped to you in the front, but also, those stupid maternity jeans have now been yanked noticeably low enough to make Justin Beiber look downright classy. You try to stand up, hitch up those britches, not drop the baby in the front or the baby in the back and in the meantime, you drop that icecream like its hot. If the store’s muzak is anything catchier than Wham’s “Never Gonna Dance Again,” then chances are you are lookin’ like a smokin’ hot mamma who not only still has her groove on, but also has fabulous taste in ice cream.
No? How about this:
** Its summertime. You’re in Church. You’ve been sitting for quite some time, probably listening intently to wonderful spiritual direction from your pastor, thanking God and smiling to yourself because all of your minions are also sitting quietly and demurely. (Truth be told, they’ve all passed out from the heat). Its time to stand, and as you do, you realize that not only do you have the biggest wedgie ever seen, your skirt is ALSO stuck up your butt. Short of actually reaching around to rectify the situation, you find yourself sashaying and twitching around, trying so, so hard as not to draw attention to yourself. You might even go to pick up that three year old, hoping that a change in position will kick physics into your favor, or throw a book on the floor to draw everyone’s attention ‘over there’ while you fix things. Either way, you might be good enough to take care of this without any adults noticing. However, if you manage to do this with guitar accompaniment from the choir loft, you may just catch the eye of some very bored teens holding up the walls in the back of the church and they’ll realize that some of the people over the age of 21 are actually still cool.
So. If either of these scenerios applies to you, congratulations!! You can still be considered an awesome, cool, sick, keen, whatever-the-kids-are-saying-these-days kinda cool cat. You’re up on the latest sensations in dance crazes, and didn’t even know it.
Girl, you’ve still got it! 😉