7QT On How No One Died, No One Got Born, and No One Went To Jail, and How All Of This Surprises Me

Wahoo!!  It looks like I may have actually secured the coveted One Hundred Fifty-seventh position in the link up at  Jen’s Quick Takes over at Conversion Diary!!  Do stop by there are read much more interesting Quick Takes (most notably, how Jen has a penchant for running into famous musicians.)

Let me preface this Quick Takes for those of you who haven’t read my last post.  Today, The Hubs came home from a two week business trip to Germany.  Can I just take a minute here to stand and applaud all you ladies who’s husbands are deployed or frequently travel for business, and most especially, those of you who are doing this parenting thing on your own.  I salute you, I stand in awe of your awesomeness, because apparently, my life starts crumbling to pieces when the Hubs walks out the back door.  Mix this with an unhealthy fear of all things that go bump in the night, and lets just say I’ll be sleeping better tonight than I have in two weeks.

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(Just so you don’t think it was all chaos and mayham, here are a few pics from the week.

For instance, we went to a farm….)

So, what kind of crumbling, do you ask?  On with the Quick Takes!

1.

After I dropped The Hubs off at the airport, I drove the rest of us home, all the while worrying about this crazy pain in my leg.  After stopping at Starbucks to get some sustenance, knowing that being as tired as I was at 2:30pm would not bode well for me while getting the kids to bed that night, I got out of the car to inspect Katie’s hurting eyeball.  I hobbled my way over to her door in pain, and after awhile, was quite convinced that I had a blood clot in my leg.  And my husband was somewhere over the Atlantic.  Aaaaaand, my cell phone Just. Died.  As in, you plug it in and it sizzles.  I don’t think cell phones are supposed to sizzle, and the nice guy at the Verizon store confirmed my suspicions later that evening.  Sizzle or not, it refused to charge, and things were beginning to look like being without a cell phone would be a “really bad idea.”  Getting my priorities straightened out, I got myself a new phone before the store closed, and then looked into medical attention.

In the end, one super amazing friend took my six kids on top of her eight kids for a few hours, and another super amazing friend left six of her seven children with her husband so that she could be my comic relief in the ER.  Between the two of us and all of our kids, I’m surprised the staff at this particular ER doesn’t call out, “Amy!” or “Anne!” like “Norm !” at Cheers when we walk in.  I think we’re beginning to get a reputation for not only being there the most, but being the funniest patients to boot.

At least the sonographer thought we were pretty funny as she checked out every blood passage in my left leg and Yep!  I got me a clot.  Thankfully, it was one of those little veins that doctors can rip out and you’ll never notice them (which makes you wonder why God put them in there in the first place, like your appendix), so I was sent home with directions to hot pack it and wear my compression stockings.

Score 1: no one died.

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(….where we saw a big horse….)

2.

This one’s a two-fer.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday were pretty crappy weather days, culminating in some nasty thunderstorms which resulted in a lot of flooding.  Apparently, our town is located in a ditch, and all the roads leading to that ditch get flooded.  Whateves.

To say that I’m a little scared of thunderstorms is a bit of an understatement.  Sad, but true.  Granted, I haven’t lived through hurricanes, tornadoes or major earthquakes, and its a good thing, because the Good Lord knows that if I were inflicted with those, I’d have a nervous breakdown that I probably wouldn’t recover from.  The craziest part of these storms was the one that was DIRECTLY OVER MY HOUSE on Tuesday night.  We must have been in the eye of the storm because the thunder was so loud it shook the house and the lightning was crazy bright and freaking me out because it wasn’t. even. raining.  It turns out all but two of us were awake in the house and very quietly freaking out until it was over.

But– this isn’t the thing.  The thing was that all this rain (I think?  I have no other explanation) completely screwed up my home phone, so I could hear people calling me, but they couldn’t hear me answer.

Phone drama number two.

I was so busy with the kids that I didn’t even have time to try to figure out what was going on (we use internet-based phone, not the regular Bell provider), so I missed a call from the fraud department of one of my credit cards.

After calling them back when I realized what was going on (no, those were NOT my $10 charges to some weird, random sports store), we cancelled the account and are starting over.  Time to call all the auto billing places.

Score 2:  I didn’t end up in jail because someone stole my identity and racked up hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt in my name.  Thank you, credit card company.

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(…and went on a hayride…. in the rain…)

3.

Its Thursday of Week 1.  I’m Skyping with The Hubs each day because its my link to sanity and I miss him.  After our daily chat, I go to use the bathroom and, ….. I’m bleeding.

crap crap crap crap CRAP.

Knowing this isn’t good, I started making phone calls.  First to my doctor’s office, then to various friends.  (“Hey, one of my kids is already sleeping at your house tonight, can you take five more???” and “Hey, we had such  a great time at the ER on Sunday, wanna go do it again tonight???”)

People mobilized, I realized just how awesome again all my friends are and how big I’m going to owe all of them.

After they checked me and the baby out every which way until Sunday, they came up with the official diagnosis of, “we have no idea why this happened, soooo…. lay low and stay off your feet for awhile.”

Did I mention the six kids and the Husband in Germany?

But!  Doctor’s orders, so I sat my sorry self on the couch until my mother came into town on Monday and yelled orders at the kids.  They kinda hated me for it, until Grandma came and they found that she wasn’t going to let them off easy, either.

One good thing from this (besides the avoidance of premature birth at 31 weeks) was my (and the kids, I hope) realization that they are quite capable of doing  a heck of a lot more around here than they are used to doing.  And I’m going to make sure they do.

Score 3:  No one got born.

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(We blew bubbles, and got froyo…..)

4.

Then, there was co-op.  I could only spend so much time doing close to nothing, and almost a full week later I was obligated to teach a co-op class that I signed up for back in August saying I’d be HAPPY to teach a class on astronomy to 18 first and second graders.

Just let that sink in for a second.

So.  As part of this class on the moon, I thought it would be So Cool to show footage of the actual moon landing to the kids.  With no WiFi at co op, I had to use my cell phone as a mobile hot spot so I could connect to YouTube.

Easy peasy, lemon squeezie.

Except.  Someone got mad that s/he couldn’t come with me and hang out with his/her friend during my class because said friend’s mother is my assistant.

So mad that this particular child switched out my old cell phone for my new cell phone (in the protective case, so I wouldn’t notice).  I didn’t notice until I went to turn it on to set up the movie.

Oh, it was a lesson in astronomy all right, because I was SEEING STARS at this point.  Friend of child asked me to let child know that it was fun being friends while it lasted because friend was quite certain I was going to kill someone.  I did not.  I did worse.  You mess with my electronics, and I take away yours.  Seems fair.

Score 4: no one died.  Again.

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(and I slept with more people than a rock star.)

5.

So, my mom was here and we sat outside supervising children who were playing.  When it was time to go into dinner, they picked up their toys, put it all back in the garage, and tried to close it.

Tried.

Failed.

The door would only close about halfway, at which point the cheap, builder’s grade door would begin to pull away from the hinge that held it together.

I went inside and started pacing.  I couldn’t call The Hubs because it would be about 1am for him, and I didn’t have the VAUGEST idea who to call for a garage door repair at 5pm so that I could secure my house and make sure no one tried to steal our power tools.  (Truth be told, though, it was so jam packed full of junk that I don’t think anyone would risk life and limb for a DeWalt nail gun, but who knows.)

After considering banging my head against the wall, but realizing that would get me absolutely nowhere in this predicament, I called my friend Amy once again, because she has a tendency to have all the answers.  When she picked up the phone, I started with, “I don’t need to go to the hospital, but I’ve got a problem; who do I call about a broken garage door that needs to be closed NOW??”  Thankfully, she had the answer in the name of a young dad in our parish.  I called him, chatted with his sweet wife for awhile, and he ended up coming over after he got home from work and took a look at the whole thing.  For a few minutes, he pulled things and unfastened things and scratched his head and looked the thing over, and then….. he pointed to the track and said, “I wonder what that is?”

Oh, that?  That would be the s-hook I saw one of the kids running around with earlier this afternoon.

And that’s why the door wouldn’t close.

Score 5:  no one died.  Again.  Mostly because I couldn’t remember who had the s-hook earlier, and I really was just glad it was a simple fix.13987349037081398737119532

(Lilly passed out in some of the most interesting places…..)

 

6.

So, the Hubs lands and arrives safe and sound this afternoon (THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, GOD!!!!), and he oh so generously brings gifts for the fam.  Among other things, he wanted to bring Kinder Eggs for the kids.  Being a self-proclaimed Army brat, The Hubs spent a few years in Germany when he was young, and really felt these things were the bee’s knees.  Basically, they’re an egg made of a layer of milk and a layer of white chocolate, which you crush, and take out a plastic “yolk”, in which you find a small toy/treat.

And he’s never eaten through the plastic yolk and choked on the toy.

Ever.

However, the US Government, in all its brilliance, banned the import of any candy that has a toy inside of it for fear that a child will choke on the toy.

Even if its nearly impossible to do so.

By the way, Mardi Gras celebrating people:  don’t US bakeries sell King cakes with rings and little plastic babies baked inside them?

Anyway, after having purchased said “Eggs,” and originally figuring he’d just bring them back anyway, The Hubs decided to do a little research first and found that he could be fined up to $2,500 PER EGG, and figuring that was way too much lettuce to spend on a little bit of chocolate, he sat and noodled for a minute.

This is where all those hours of watching the Food Network paid off:  he “deconstructed” the kinder eggs.

He carefully opened the chocolate shells, and took out the yolk with the toys and packed them separately, then went on through customs and declared the chocolate (totally legal) and the toys (totally legal).

And there was absolutely No Way my children could possibly eat the toys.  Unless they really wanted to.

Score 6: no one went to jail. Because that would really put a damper on his homecoming.

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(And James earned his brown belt as The Hubs was legally bringing kinder eggs through customs)

7.

Hmm….. well, this is awkward, I don’t think I have a seventh thing that happened, but that’s okay, because I’ve written a bit of a tome here, and its time to wrap t up.  Hope you all have a wonderful rest of your weekend, and Happy Mother’s Day to all moms, especially to all we hope will soon be moms!!xoxo

 

 

 

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About Anne McD @ourlittlenthouse

Hey! I'm a stay at home, Catholic mom of 7, former homeschooler, now public schooler. Welcome to our crazy. Please excuse the noise.
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8 Responses to 7QT On How No One Died, No One Got Born, and No One Went To Jail, and How All Of This Surprises Me

  1. Wow…what a week. So glad no one was born, no one died and no one went to jail!

  2. Torey says:

    Hilarious!!!!

  3. kara says:

    Yep.That was a doosie.
    Hey…you forgot to mention the h*holder!!
    Happy Mother’s day!
    Xoxo kara

  4. Kathryn Biel says:

    This is probably one of your best blogs ever. I want to copy it and paste it to my blog, but people might realize that a.) I only have 2 kids b.)I’m not pregnant and c.)even though I think I am, I’m not nearly as funny.

    Someday, when things are more calm (pause for laughter) we are TOTALLY sitting down and writing a book together. And it will be piss your pants (not just because I have no pelvic floor left) funny.

    • That is so funny, because I didn’t even this this one was that funny! Yes, someday (maybe when I’m eighty!) we’ll have to collaborate. Because I don’t think I’ll have a minute to myself until then! 😉

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